Doggie Breakups

Saturday, April 19

A lot of us are struggling with an issue (or two, or three) with our dogs. We've tried everything, and nothing's working. Does there come a time when we should say, "This is not a good fit"? Sometimes, what's best for the dog is to consider another living arrangement. But often, we feel we should keep a dog forever. After all, isn't that what responsible dog owners do, right? We don't think of ourselves as people who get dogs, then dispose of them when they become inconvenient. So we keep on keeping on, as the problems get worse.

How much does our self image as responsible pet owners get in the way of doing the right thing? What is the right thing, anyway? Join us as we talk to trainer Barbara O'Connor about this emotionally complex topic. We'll provide guidelines and help for determining whether you and your dog are matched well.

When you  first realize that a doggie breakup may be the only way out, it is one of the hardest parts of having a best friend. You feel like something is wrong or lacking, but you don't understand what it is, how it happened, or why it's wrong. Maybe your dog is super-intelligent or super-active and needs someone who understands her psyche and physical drives. Maybe this dog is physically threatening a family
member or friends who come into your home.

Most of us have been through some sort of difficulty. Many of us just rationalize behavior by saying, "dogs do this." Most of us are encouraged to get the right breed, the right sex, and spay or neuter. But sometimes, it's just not enough, and the relationship is never what you had assumed it had to be.

Signs of a Relationship on the Rocks

You want to cuddle and Rover keeps moving away. He sits next to your husband, who never pays attention to him. Rover does this every evening and hangs around you only at mealtime.

Spike & Lady love you too much. Every day, they literally fight over
you. You cannot pat one without the other attacking. Or maybe you have two females who fight when you pat one of them. The emotional trauma to all of you is severely damaging and depressing, and the vet bills are enormous.

Taffy seems to never calm down, she's always actively running all over the house, always the opposite direction of wherever you are.

Buster has been eating your entire house. He started by licking
the baseboards. Now, there are holes in every wall in your home.

Every time the doorbell rings Ace charges and barks. You fear for the
person on the other side. And it gets worse! Your usually loving pup growls at you if you try to intercede.

Some other challenges in your relationship might be:

• Not coming when called (ever)

• Peeing in any stressed environment

• Non-stop barking in the house or yard

• Greeting people in a delirious, seemingly happy way  (even knocking them down like bowling pins)

• A strong aggressive dislike to certain people either by smell, shape, race, sex, clothing or other cause

So What do you Do?

Talk it over with a non-biased person who's dog savvy and who knows both you and the dog. Try to view the situation through your dog's eyes. Contact a knowledgeable trainer/behaviorist who has vast experience with the problem.

Find out what things you can do to help your dog overcome the undesired behavior pattern and learn to make better choices. Most dogs aren't given options. They are trapped in the environment that we humans put them in.

Change your thinking. (For more on this, listen to the show.)

Exercise the body and mind. Enroll in an obedience class, participate in agility competition or flyball meets. Set up an easy obstacle course in your yard, and put your dog through it.

Seek appropriate doggy daycare to break up the routine for your dog. A little physical and mental stimulation might be just what he or she needs.

Learn how to become a leader/teacher to your pack. Use boundaries and guidelines appropriately . Use leashes and longlines appropriately.

Try homeopathic anxiety solutions and herbal essences. Some can be helpful with fearful dogs.

If a Breakup is Best

Most problems dogs exhibit is because people can't or don't spend enough time working with the dog. If it's a mismatch there are ways to transition the dog to a more suitable home in a way that's easiest on the dog.

Don't bring the dog to a shelter. List the dog with breed rescue group, with people who understand that type of dog. If it's a mix, appeal to groups for each breed. Offer to foster the dog while a new owner is found.

Tell the rescue group the challenges you've had and why you believe another situation might be better for the dog. Don't get mired down in guilt or explanations. Know that you're doing the compassionate thing by trying to give the dog a rewarding, fulfilling life by finding the perfect situation. Acknowledge your maturity and wisdom in realizing that this perfect life is not going to be with you.

If a breakup is really the best solution, see it as an opportunity. A dog who's bursting with too much energy for one person might be the perfect jogging or bicycling partner for another. A dog who's chewing down the house from boredom and separation anxiety might be the perfect companion for another person with a work-at-home or traveling lifestyle. An outdoor dog who runs away might find a better home with an active family who will give him plenty of time with his people. 

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